Enabling Or Compassion?

Hello, and good day to you brothers and sisters. I hope you are finding gratitude in your day. I speak a great deal on empathy, compassion, kindness, and love. Yes, it is true that these traits are very good as far as growth and interpersonal relationship skills are concerned. One good question to ask ourselves in this venture, what is the difference between being a good person, and being a doormat?

Often too many times, people will take kindness as a display of weakness. In their thinking processes, they begin to look at kindhearted people as their servants to do their bidding. It is definitely okay and encouraged to help others out when we can, but when the same people keep coming back and taking advantage of the fact that we are kind and assume we will always be there to help, this is where we must intervene.

Kindhearted, compassionate, empathetic, patient people are not doormats. We must stand up for ourselves in these instances or it will become a toxic situation for ourselves mentally, physically, and even spiritually. Many out there do not want to put the work in themselves. They are lazy and have no ambition in life. When they come across a person who is pure, they realize they have the ability to manipulate them using their good nature. These people are easy to spot in our lives.

They are the ones that profess to be our friends, and sometimes are our very own flesh and blood, that continually seem to be coming back to us looking for “help”. Like I said before, it is perfectly fine to help someone, but when they can not even take the time to help themselves, this is where we must cut the cord and step away. The drug dealer enables the addict, and the addict enables the drug dealer. They continually will return because they know what they need is there.

I have seen it time and time again. I have walked away from many in my life that were taking advantage of my skills, kindness, and compassion. They were using me to get what they needed. These types of people are leeches, and once they latch on, they will not let go. This is why we become drained and weakened. These types of people are energy vampires, and they will suck you dry if you allow it to happen.

They never learn from their mistakes. They never take accountability for the choices they make in their lives that lead to the consequences of their actions. They always assume someone will be there to bail them out or clean up their messes. It usually is a sense of urgency they approach you with something that needs to happen. This despite the fact, had they made different choices then they would not be in the predicaments they are in, and EXPECTING us to help them by changing our schedule or living situation to adapt to their self created chaos.

I have a friend who owns a property with his brother and cousin. The cousin doesn’t really contribute much to the upkeep and financials of the property. The brother is always “too busy” to take care of anything physical but does assist with the bills. So, this leaves a heavy burden to bare for my friend who is left to be the caretaker and maintenance man of the property. This is really wearing on him mentally and physically. His brother even had the audacity to have a piano delivered to the property at a time when he knew my friend would be there without even informing him of the delivery, expecting my friend to get it where it needed to go.

He loves the beauty of the property, but his “business partners” have created a toxic situation feeding off his kindness, compassion, and generosity. He has become exhausted and ready to step away from the whole thing, and I agree it would be better for his well being if he did. There is much more involved we won’t get into here, but you get the idea in the scenario. People assuming and expecting kind people to pick up lazy or entitled people’s slack.

I am sure that anyone reading this can identify at least one person like this in their lives. If you can’t, you could very well be the energy vampire in the situation. If you are, stop it! Get your act together, and take responsibility for your own choices and actions. Stop depending on others to learn the lessons you are supposed to be learning. If you are the one enabling the vampiric behavior, stop it! You cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves. Cut the cord, step away, and let them fail so they can learn and grow. This may sound harsh, but in that type of repetitive situation, it is the most loving thing you can do for them and for yourself.

Situations I have confronted in my life usually play out something like this. You bring the behavior to the persons attention, stating that this is not beneficial to you and you are no longer going to be their energy slave. This takes them off guard and is not expected because they assume they have complete mind control over you. When they realize their game is up, they immediately will become defensive and sometimes self loathing. They say things like no body cares about me, or I will do some kind of harm to myself, and so on, trying to gain control of your good nature to get you to feel bad for them. Stand your ground here, do not buy into the devious mind tricks of a narcissistic sociopath.

Regardless how many stones these so called friends or family want to throw at us, stay strong. We do not need this type of behavior in our lives. The best thing to do is just let them go and move on with our lives. Oh, and believe me, when you call out a narcissistic sociopathic energy vampire, you will not believe some of the things these “friends or family” will say to you to try and gain control back over you. This person who has professed to love you will begin to completely degrade you and TRY to make you feel awful about your decision to stand up for yourself. Like I said before, they are addicted to you enabling them and triggering the reward center in their brains. When you stand in the way of that dopamine release they get controlling you, you will see their true intentions, words, and feelings come out.

These people will be just fine without us. And if it turns out that they are not, do not hold yourself accountable for this situation. They need to hold themselves accountable and change their decision making processes. If someone for example is constantly drinking or smoking and complaining about the fact they can’t pay their bills or have food on the table, this is their choice to have this outcome. All they would have to do is quit buying things they don’t need, and this would allow more funds for what they do need. It is their choice to make the same continuous mistakes without learning. It is our choice to not bail them out continuously so they actually have to be accountable for their own actions.

This is the most loving thing we can do for them and for ourselves. I hope this resonates with those that needed to hear it. I love you all. We are a Empathy. We are Compassion. We are Kindness. We are Gratitude. We are Honesty. We are Patient. We are not afraid. We are not doormats. We are Love.